Hi Justa6! Pretty cool mailboxes. Especially the 57!

1 hour ago, JUSTA6 said:

1957 called and wants it's mailbox back!!!!!

Want! I’d rock that. 

6 hours ago, Ringo64 said:

Want! I’d rock that. 

Meeee tooooo 

I'm NOT certain if I should be honored or insulted. 

Does this mailbox make me look fat? 

5 hours ago, Frosty said:

I'm NOT certain if I should be honored or insulted. 

Does this mailbox make me look fat? 

YES

Bastich!

It's spring....the LBs justa melted off.

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.

5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.

10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.

13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.

14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.

15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.

16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.

17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.

20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.

22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.

23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”

24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.

25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

Welcome to spring time in Michigan.....you think I'm kidding?

 

LAUGHING IN COURT

 

How do court stenographers keep a straight face?

 

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters, who had the torment of staying straight-faced, while the exchanges were taking place.

_________

 

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

___________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

___________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

___________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

___________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

___________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's 20. Very close to your IQ.

___________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

___________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid.

___________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

___________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

___________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

___________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

___________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

___________

ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?

WITNESS: Oral.

___________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

___________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

My god, they were SO funny. JustA - thank goodness you somehow find & post this stuff. I was expecting that the witnesses would be making the silly comments, but how many attorneys did? My fave was the one about how old the guy's 20 year old son was.  20 - about the same as your IQ!  Priceless.

Edited April 29, 20233 yr by Fitzy
Technical glitch

Aww man I had tears coming out my eyes I was laughing so hard. I even read those to my wife and had her cracking up! Justa great!!!

Damn I like that one about "standing up for yourself".

oh i have seen this !!!!

 

before....

 

after !!!!!

 

 

This is one of my jobs today, replacing it !☹️

Edited May 3, 20233 yr by 64 kiwi boni

That job is never joyful. But I have been there too kiwi boni. Hopefully no complications!

☹️

5 hours ago, njacobsen said:

That job is never joyful. But I have been there too kiwi boni. Hopefully no complications!

☹️

good on ya Neal !! its us tradies that keep the world going

 
 

look much better now !!! 
 

Edited May 4, 20233 yr by 64 kiwi boni

oh for sure on that!

Looking good now.

 

What an epic case of hemorrhoids that was!

🤣🤣

1 hour ago, Frosty said:

What an epic case of hemorrhoids that was!

Was going to Cinco de Mayo hasn't happened yet. Take it easy on the beans...

9 hours ago, Ringo64 said:

Was going to Cinco de Mayo hasn't happened yet. Take it easy on the beans...

Since today is Star Wars Day and tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo, then obviously May 5th, this could be called Revenge of the Fifth!

 

Tequila!

1 hour ago, Frosty said:

Since today is Star Wars Day and tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo, then obviously May 5th, this could be called Revenge of the Fifth!

 

Tequila!

Did someone say taquila??