4 hours ago, Wrongway said:

The old GPS and gas station are actually pretty cool

Like the streetlight maintenense truck too.

 

 

Understanding  Engineers 1

Two engineering students were riding bicycles across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get the great bike?"  

 

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."  

 

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."  
  
  
 Understanding  Engineers 2  
  
  
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is   half-empty.  
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.  
  
  
   Understanding  Engineers 3  
  
  
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting for fifteen minutes!"  
The   doctor  chimed in, "I don't think I've ever seen such inept  golf!"  
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us?  They're rather slow, aren't they?"  
The   green-keeper  replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!" 
The group fell silent for a moment.  
The   priest  said, "That's so sad. I'll say a special prayer for them tonight." 
The doctor  said, "Good idea. I'll contact my ophthalmologist colleague and  see if here's anything she can do for them."  
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"  
  
  
   Understanding  Engineers 4  
  
  
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?  
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.  
  
  
   Understanding  Engineers 5  
  
  
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"  
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"  
The graduate with a Commerce degree asks, "How much will it cost?"  
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?  
            
  
   Understanding Engineers 6  
  
  
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it isn't sufficiently complex yet.  
  
  
   Understanding  Engineers 7 
  
  
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."  

  He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.  

  The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." 

  The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.  

  The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."  

  Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.  

  Finally, the frog asked, "What's the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.  Why won't you kiss me?" 

  The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend. But a talking frog - now that's cool."  
  
  
And  Finally  
  
  
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing  

  "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Steve, "but we don't have a ladder."  

  The  woman took some pliers from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her purse, took a measurement, announced, “21 feet," and walked  away. 

  One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"  

  Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and have been elected  to Congress.

 

On 1/14/2022 at 1:24 AM, Ringo64 said:

real problem is finding pants. I don't wear anything but shorts these days  

We've spoken about not wearing pants before. If you want to join us at Hooters, you gotta wear pants. If you don't, you're buying all the beers until they throw you out.

Wow - what a great collection of pics. I have to wonder with that old 'GPS' what happened when your car changed direction!

As far as that funny articulated car goes, somebody once proposed that all cars should be bullet nosed so that if a collision was to occur, the cars would tend to slide away from each other rather than impact severely. Instead, we got SUVs,

 

BEST DAY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!   The bulb finally burned out in my check engine light!!!!   

  

i can relate to this one, petrol hit $3 per LITRE here in new zealand this week 

 

3 hours ago, 64 kiwi boni said:

i can relate to this one, petrol hit $3 per LITRE here in new zealand this week 

 

I gotta drive! I'm outta BEER!!!!!

BEER RUN!!! 

 

Pat Dailey - the Coolest Son of Bitch in the World (his own self proclaimed title)

Edited February 8, 20224 yr by Frosty

BTW - Pat was a real hoot live at the Beer Barrel Saloon in Put-In-Bay Ohio many years ago. I'm a fan of his for sure.

  

What Is Butt Dust??

What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister... After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget....

This particular Sunday sermon... 'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust....' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

They were really funny. I don't particularly like children but will happily tolerate well trained ones. I remembered as a kid watching the news and the presenter was talking about the Paris Pea Stalks. I wondered to myself why on earth are pea stalks so important. Of course, it was the Paris Peace Talks he was referring to!

On 2/14/2022 at 8:45 PM, Fitzy said:

They were really funny. I don't particularly like children but will happily tolerate well trained ones. I remembered as a kid watching the news and the presenter was talking about the Paris Pea Stalks. I wondered to myself why on earth are pea stalks so important. Of course, it was the Paris Peace Talks he was referring to!

what ??? dont you have any grand babies?

i have 3 !!

they are 5 months, near 2 and near 4 years old

and i love them all... and i can give them back to their parents........

( after loading them up with sugar) 

Edited February 15, 20224 yr by 64 kiwi boni

this is how much i am a softy.... the boss and i where in a k mart last weekend and i spotted a Lego jeep block kit,,,, super cool. i had to buy it for my grandson.... according to the boss we are not aloud to build it until my grandson comes to stay the  night!!! hopefully that is this coming week!! 

they never had cool stuff like that when i was a kid!!! 

https://www.lego.com/en-us/product/jeep-wrangler-42122

 

Smile a lot. I'm getting tired of being part of a major historical event.

It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.

Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.

I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I missed my exit.

My goal for 2021 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.

Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza.... OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now?

I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.

I love being 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.

A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.

I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

Just remember, once you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.

It's weird being the same age as old people.

When I was a kid I wanted to be older . . this is not what I expected.

Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? Me: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?

I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

Annual Darwin Awards

 

THE NEW DARWIN AWARDS ARE HERE!!

The Darwin Awards are finally out. The annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. 

This year's winner was a real rocket scientist... HONEST!

Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is TRUE.  Skipping to the winner..................

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. 
The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist.... Had somehow gotten hold of a JATO bottle (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location. 

The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds. 

The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F -14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. 

However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

 

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.

 

 

You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?

 

Fuel in Oz is now about AU$1.80 a litre. There's about 4 of our litres to a US gallon, so that's about AU$7.20 a gallon, about US$5.04.  How does that compare to what you're paying in the US?

50 minutes ago, Fitzy said:

Fuel in Oz is now about AU$1.80 a litre. There's about 4 of our litres to a US gallon, so that's about AU$7.20 a gallon, about US$5.04.  How does that compare to what you're paying in the US?

wtf!!!! 91 octane today when i filled up was $2.82 nzd thats  $2.62 aud or $1.91 usd 

95 octane is over $3 nzd now...

anyone got a good home brew reciepy for fuel... ????

i think it might be time to go on ebay and buy myself a shipping tanker, head over to Fitzy shores ... filler up and bring it back to nz, and ,moonshine it to the petrolhead underground!!!!

first trip i would only buy 1 million litres at your retail Fitzy of $1.80 and add 100% margin and that would make it $3.60 aud or $3.85 nzd. and that would gross me justA bout 2 million nzd.. do that once a week for say 1 year, thats a little over 100 million gross., but then i should be able to do a deal with some country that will sell it to me for half that price, and that adds more around $200 million a year gross .

hmmmm! might find me a ship i feel!!!

 

Edited February 23, 20224 yr by 64 kiwi boni

JustA for your information new zealand 91 octane at $2.82 per litre has a tax content of 52 % 

sorry i had to use the dizzy head emo as there is no bent over taking it up the rear emo !!! 

did i mention that the boss took out 2 more tires in her mini 2 weeks ago on MORE pot holes on state high way 1 in the central north island !!! that is funded with that very same 52% we pay from our petrol per litre !!! 

ok ,,,, soap box tucked back under the table!!!! 

Edited February 23, 20224 yr by 64 kiwi boni