On 10/22/2021 at 3:42 AM, JUSTA6 said:

Here in Australia, the home of the Mensa society, many bogan Aussies still refer to this stuff as duck tape.

What a quack up!

John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night.       Turns it was just Saturday night fever.                                                 

 

I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself

that's the last thing I need.

 

Relationships are a lot like algebra.

Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

 

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason.

Details are sketchy.  

 

What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?

Someday my prints will come

 

A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club

but I’d never met herbivore.

 

I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps

but I'm slowly getting over it.

 

What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

Short.

 

I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year.   

Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.

 

If you're not supposed to eat at night,

why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

 

There was the person who sent ten puns to

friends, with the hope that at least one of the

puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a "slide-rule," as well as a code device called an "abacus" that he claimed was a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.  He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said.  "Al-Gebra has terrorized many young people for years.  They derive solutions by means and extremes and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values”.

"They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we've determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.”

"As the Greek philosopher Isosceles once said, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.’ "

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Biden said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by a President at any time in all of history.  ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, NBC proclaimed Biden has solved yet another problem created by Trump.

I met a Magical Fairy yesterday who said she would grant me one wish.

 

"I wish to live forever," I said.

 

"Sorry," said the Fairy, "That is the only wish that I'm not allowed to grant.”

 

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!"

 

"You crafty little bastard," replied the Fairy.

We received about 2 inches of snow yesterday and  

8:00 am: I made a snowman.  

8:10  - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.  

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.  

8:17 - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous   chest saying it objectified women everywhere.  

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could   have been two snowmen instead.  

8:22 - The transgender man.. women...person asked why I didn't just make one   snow person with detachable parts.  

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose,   as veggies are food and are not used to decorate snow figures.  

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.  

8:30 - I used food coloring to make one of the snow couple a different color   and be more racially inclusive.  

8:37 - Then accused of using a black face on the snowperson.  

8:39 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be completely covered.  

8:40 - The police arrived saying someone had been offended.  

8:42 - The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.  

8:43 - The 'council on equality' officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.  

8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now a   sexist.  

9:00 - I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.  

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.  

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding that I be arrested.  

9:45 - The boss called and fired me because of the negative association with   work that had been all over social media.  

10:00 - I cry into my drink because all I wanted to do was build a snowman...  

Moral: There ain't no moral to this story. It is what this world has become because of a bunch of snowflakes. ⛄

This is why boots are required in the snow!

It's a lil stuck.....

WAIT....I forgot what?

Should be almost full by now.

That Camaro interior is gonna get awful messy when chickibabes finish scraping away the mud from the front wheels - that'll really help.

It'sa JEEP thing.

On 12/5/2021 at 3:03 AM, Fitzy said:

That Camaro interior is gonna get awful messy when chickibabes finish scraping away the mud from the front wheels - that'll really help.

A few years ago here in Australia, there was a bit of a feminism 'surge' and bumper stickers proclaiming "Women Can Do Anything" became more popular than they had a right to be. As evidenced by the above photos, it is indeed true that women can do anything - the man was probably taking the photo. I also remind my missus of that campaign whenever she forlornly approaches me with a lid on a jar that she can't unscrew. Many men might be misogynist arseholes who'd rather sit on the couch and watch telly than cook something, but boy can we unscrew a lid. Take THAT femiNazis! 

Edited December 8, 20214 yr by Frosty

 

Oh my god!!!

Wow!

This is bad advice. The last time I tried to turn my cock back, it straightened out with all the handling it was getting, and it took considerably less than an hour.

This... to me, is a classic in the crazy world we live in with soooo many people wanting to have there say!!!!!, i expect that river will be full of cars in no time!!