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Don't EVER grow up!!!


JUSTA6

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5 hours ago, 64 kiwi boni said:

I can relate too the polar bears! Thats how I felt after Christmas Day and all the ham I ate :cheers: haha 

but my favourite was the pee on the toilet seat one 👍👍👍👍👍

Agreed on those fav's, but the cat with all the German Shepards is EPIC.:willy_nilly:

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Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. 

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money? 

A. From taxpayers. 
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

 A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a    high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

 A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will   go to China or Sri Lanka .
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India ,Taiwan, or    China ...
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala...

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

 If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go   to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by: 

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or 

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or 

4) Beer or 

5) Tattoos. 

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. ) 

Conclusion: 

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard   sale and drink beer all day !


No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

 

 

 

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Subject: Fw: The Walmart Interview........ .

 

 


 

Jennifer, the manager at the local Walmart , had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.

 

After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified.

Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.

Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked,

"What is the fastest thing you know of?"

The first man replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning."

"That's very good!" replied Jennifer. "And, now you sir," she asked the second man.

"Hmmm... let me see... A BLINK! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened.

A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

Excellent!" said Jennifer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall, there's a light switch.

When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less

than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man

"It's hard to beat the speed of light," she said.

Turning to Ernest, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Ernest replied, "After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the

fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.

"WHAT?" said Jennifer, stunned by the response.

"Oh sure," said Ernest. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for

the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT,

I had already shit my pants."

 

Ernest is the new greeter at the Walmart near you!

You probably will think of this every time you enter a Walmart from now on.

 

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The following questions were set in last year's GED examination.  These are genuine answers from 16-year olds.


Q. Name the four seasons
A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A.  If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)

Q.  What happens to your body as you age?
A.  When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.


Q.  What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A.  He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery 

Q.  Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A.  Premature death.

Q.  What is artificial insemination?
A.  When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A.  Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant.)

Q.  How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A.  The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.  The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U.

Q. What is the fibula?
A.  A small lie.

Q.  What does 'varicose' mean?
A.   Nearby.

Q.  What is the most common form of birth control?
A.  Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work)

Q.  Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section.'
A.  The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q.  What is a seizure?
A.   A Roman Emperor. 
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit.)

Q.  What is a terminal illness?
A.  When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q.  What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.  Benign is what you will be after you be eight.(brilliant)

Q.   What is a turbine?

A.   Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. (now we’re getting somewhere)

:picard:

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3 hours ago, JUSTA6 said:


Q.  What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.  Benign is what you will be after you be eight.(brilliant)

 

:picard:

JUSTA - what is this? Learn to Spell with Darnell all over again? GAWD I miss the old WRIF!

Edited by Frosty
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2 hours ago, Frosty said:

JUSTA - what is this? Learn to Spell with Darnell all over again? GAWD I miss the old WRIF!

BABY!!!!   Sunbird still supports WRIF stickers.  Crusin Woodward, Telegraph, Gratiot.  Handed out by Dick the Bruiser at different cruise in's.

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