and then the fight started

[Roadwarrior]

saw this on another forum thought you guys might enjoy it

> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take

> her someplace

> expensive...So, I took her to a gas station...And then the

> fight

> started...

>

> ************************************************** ***********

>

> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

> while we were

> in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to

> have sex?" "No," she

> answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?

> "She didn't even

> look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I

> said, "Then I'd like

> to phone a friend." And then the fight started...

>

> ************************************************** ***********

>

> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to

> apply for

> Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for

> my driver's

> license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and

> realized I had

> left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very

> sorry, but I

> would have to go home and come back later The woman said,

> 'Unbutton

> your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly

> silver hair. She

> said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough

> for me' And she

> processed my Social Security application. When I got home,

> I excitedly

> told my wife about my experience at the Social Security

> office. She

> said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might

> have gotten

> Disability, too' And then the fight started...

>

> ************************************************** ***********

>

> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my

> lunch,

> grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I

> hooked up the

> boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a

> torrential

> downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back

> into the

> garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the

> weather would be

> bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly

> undressed, and slipped

> back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now

> with a different

> anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is

> terrible.' My

> loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my

> stupid husband is

> out fishing in that?' And that's how the fight

> started...

>

> ************************************************** ***********

>

> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school

> reunion, and I

> kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she

> sat alone at A

> nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's

> my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right

> after we

> split up those many & years ago, and I hear she

> hasn't been sober

> since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would

> think a person could go on

> celebrating that long?' And then the fight started...

>

> ************************************************** ***********

>

> I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were

> alongside the road

> and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know

> how sometimes

> you just get soooo stressed and Little things just seem

> funny? Yeah,

> well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He

> stormed over to my

> car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!

> !!' So, I looked

> down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are

> you?' And then the

> fight started...

>

> ************************************************** ***********

>

> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some

> reason, took my

> order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium

> rare, please.' He

> said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

> 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And then the

> fight started...

>

> ************************************************** ************

>

> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

> She is not

> happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I

> feel horrible; I

> look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a

> compliment.' The

> husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near

> perfect.' And then the

> fight started...

>

>

>

>

************************************************** ********

>

>I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

>It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

>"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

>So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

>And that's when the fight started....

>

>

************************************************** *******

>My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.

>I told her Not as >much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.

>And then the fight started.....

>

>

************************************************** ********

>

>A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

>Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

>The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man

>'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

>So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the >window.

>He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and

>to his car as fast as he could go.

>A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and

>screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

>The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

>And then the fight started.....

[markpetersonii]

Very nice!

[Phenom]

I LOVE THE LAST ONE!!!!!!!!

[emily.todd]

> ************************************************** ************

>

> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

> She is not

> happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I

> feel horrible; I

> look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a

> compliment.' The

> husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near

> perfect.' And then the

> fight started...

>

>

>

>

************************************************** ********

funniest one ever!

i LOL'd

[Ghost]

[dangerranger67]

LOL

those totally just made my night!

[[ChaosweaveR]]

I lol'd.