Car and Driver: A HUNNERT YEARS! BMW Announces Celebratory 7-series with Long, Long Names

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We get it, Bavarians, your vaunted Motoren Werke is a century old, and you’d like to celebrate. You’re also quite proud of your new 7-series, a vehicle so jam-packed with gee-whiz convenience features that we referred to it as “a four-wheeled Passeportout” in a recent instrumented test. Unfortunately, the ultimate result of all this is a car carrying the most ridiculous and lamentable moniker of any production vehicle ever to emerge from your Dingolfing plant: the BMW Individual M760Li xDrive Model V12 Excellence THE NEXT 100 YEARS.

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Yes, dear reader, that is the name Munich came up with to celebrate its centenary. They also came up with almost-as-silly “BMW Individual 740Le iPerformance THE NEXT 100 YEARS,” the dangerously near-as-dumb “BMW Individual 740Le xDrive iPerformance THE NEXT 100 YEARS,” the more succinct “BMW Individual 750Li THE NEXT 100 YEARS,” and finally the more succinct-with-AWD “BMW Individual 750Li xDrive THE NEXT 100 YEARS.” Have your eyes glazed over yet? Because we’re worried about the mental health of our copy desk after having to sift through this paragraph.

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The distilled essence is that you can get the car with a four-cylinder hybrid, a V-8, or a V-12 with either rear-wheel drive or all-wheel drive, unless you pop for the twelve, which is AWD only. Please don’t try to go back and re-read the model names. You’ll hurt yourself, and we will not be held liable. Basically, BMW is giving you a host of fancy features, plus a unique Montblanc Meisterstück Skeleton pen. The only Meisterstück Skeleton listed on Montblanc’s website right now goes for $8700, which would buy you roughly two thirds of a Mitsubishi Mirage, about half of a very clean BMW R90S, or a pair of fine-condition E36 3-series automobiles. Only purchasers of THE NEXT 100 YEARS 7s will receive the pen, which is strictly limited to 100 examples, as is the series of cars. Oddly enough, there’s a good chance that some point, the resale value of the pen will be higher than that of the car. Buff the mind’s eyeball with that math, Bunky.

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• BMW Unveils Fancypants 7-series Solitaire and Master Class Editions-
• Four-Cylinder BMW 730i—It’s Not Coming Here, and We’re OK With That-
• BMW 7-series Full Coverage: News, Reviews, Photos, and More-

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Writing implements aside, all cars will be swathed Centennial Blue metallic paint and feature a “handcrafted signet” on the sail panel. The interior Merino leather is presented in a color called “Smoke White,” as is the considerable amount of Alcantara present in the cabin. Accents are piano black, which seems less than thrilling, but at least it doesn’t readily show ink stains. Just watch yourself with that pen around all that light-colored leather, pal.

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